Crys Loch's Ink Spill

Family Movie Star

2012-07-12T09:20:49Z

I know I wanted to keep this journal to my fanfic and fandom endeavors and not let it become bits and scraps about my everyday life, but I think this deserves to be shared and promoted. And, to be honest, it has kicked up some thoughts I rarely give voice to anymore. First, the very cool thing- a member of my family can now say he has been in a film. In fact, he and his family are the subject of the work. It's called The Devotion Project. It's a series of short documentary films celebrating LGBTQ couples of all stripes. (I took that from the project's YouTube page.) Eric is my cousin's step-son.

Check out his and his family's film here.

The Devotion Project is a great thing and it's cool that Eric got to be a part of it. It just kicked up those ol' gender thoughts in me. Personally, the whole thing drives me mad. Always has. Am I a woman or a man? Do I even want to be a woman or a man? Always with the one or the other and dear gods they each have such limiting and defining projections that it's not a choice between pink or blue it's a choice between beige or off-white. World, you can take your socially constructed, narrowly construed, did you prefer A? or B? taste test and shove it. Sometimes I just want to take this two dimensional gender facade and push, bend and twist it into a four dimensional hypercube or Tesseract and have some time and space to be identified as myself.

I'm both sometimes, or at the same time. Actually, that's true. My brain tested gender neutral or decently functioning male and female. It's not just gender- that's just the social projection choice that drives me mad. It's sex, too. Male/Female. I see myself as both, can feel myself as either. Somewhere along the way I made peace with the body I was born into, or rather, threw up my hands and called a truce. In my faith, (Wiccan) the woman can play both the female or male roles, can be both the goddess or the god; so that helped with the rational. It took many years though and childhood was a confused hell and still there are these flashes of frustration. I want my Tesseract. Where I can be my bisexual, duel sex, omni-gender, never mind the body I just wish my various clothes would hang on it right for 'the look' self.

Still, I'm happy for anyone who figures out their own self and finds a way to live their life happy, free and honest. Eric's a good guy. Check out the cool film.

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MIA

2012-06-29T20:36:07Z

I've been missing. Absent from writing or even reading. The physical world pulled me away. I've been working on building a 6' by 8' garden structure. I call it a tea house. It's a place to sit, think, watch. It'll be mostly built of reclaimed wood and fence pieces, so there's lots of pulling of nails before I can even start. The roof will be the panels of an old metal shed that finally fell down last winter in a big wind storm. In the end I expect it will look like an old fishing shack tucked in the trees. That's fine. It will also complete the secret garden part of the yard. It will anchor the East, the Air, and we will be able to use the space for rituals. We'll also be able to close it up some and heat it like an old school sweat shack/ sauna. My mind, spirit and body are pretty obsessed with building this tea house these days.

I've also been taking care of the rest of our gardens here. And taking care of my grandfather's old place. The family shares the place, but we're the closest so we handle the general care. A lost dinghy found its way to the shore this last winter and ended up with me. It's small enough for me to handle alone, so I'm fixing it up some and hopefully I'll be able to do some crabbing this summer.

There have been some fits and starts with writing. But mostly the physical has taken any available time and energy. I'm sure I'll wander back to this all again: tired, happy and hopefully not too beat up.

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kink rant

2012-05-13T03:39:27Z

First off, let me say I’m pro kink writing. I think it’s a wonderful way to explore character. Also, this isn’t an essay to try and narrowly define acceptable kink. Honest. Anything goes. If I don’t want to read a story, I don’t. There now, isn’t that easy? And that’s about where my authority on the subject of acceptable starts and ends. This is a bit of a rant on what I think has become the overuse of the now catch-all phrase “kink”. Seriously. I know it’s an umbrella slang term anyway, but things have become silly in fandom. It’s come to be used for readers’ personal ‘thing’ or story situations: trapped in an elevator, sex in the bathtub, using a condom on the dildo. So I have some terminology suggestions to help sort this out and clarify things.

Kink- still the slang umbrella term, but can we narrow it back down to sexually deviant acts? The key word there being ACTS. Deviant, of course, is much harder to define. How about something you would not even tell your best friend about yourself? Really, really don’t want the neighbors to know about? Can we at least agree that sex in a shower or bathtub isn’t that kinky? It’s just a place the characters had sex. Let’s use the word Kink for deviant acts that are a part of sex. This is in no way to narrowly define Kink as BDSM or D/s. There’s a whole range of Play authors have characters engage in. Maybe “Play” is the key here. I don’t know.

Fetish- not used often enough. Where Kink can be used for an act, can we start to use Fetish again for objects and clothing? One character’s preference to see the other in uniform; “you can leave your hat on”; strap-on dildo; high heels; Reid and his maps (Criminal Minds): let’s call this Fetish. Actually, having a fetish is a much narrower definition, but if we are tightening the use of Kink, maybe we can expand the meaning of Fetish in fandom. While some Fetishes are generally considered deviant enough to be called kinky (Reid and his maps), a Fetish isn’t necessarily Kink. In today’s climate is a dildo really that deviant? Much less a hat? And a character that is turned on by gloves isn’t by default going to have kinky sex. It’ll be much clearer if we start using this wonderful term again.

Phelia- can we start using this? I humbly suggest using Phelia for the ‘everything else’ we’ve started using Kink for: the ‘situation’ that’s hot, the reader’s personal thing, the character’s ‘switch’ in the back of their mind. A character’s fine until they’re undercover then the danger starts to get them hot and bothered? - Phelia. Can’t get enough hurt/comfort stranded at sea stories? - Phelia.

There will be overlap, some things will mix or run from one to the next. It would be phelialicious to read a story where Reid indulges in his map fetish while, unbeknownst to him, Emily watches; of course Emily is then caught by JJ who decides to get a little kinky and ask Emily to masturbate for her while they both watch Reid; only to end with Emily’s self denial of her own orgasm much to JJ’s frustration. (Criminal Minds) See, this can be fun. Or (Law & Order) Mike Cutter loves getting spanked by Connie Rubirosa but only with the fetish twist of letting his framed picture of Jack McCoy watch. (Any fandom) Leave the heels on in the tender love scene- the fetish is the character’s phelia. Or just have a simple kink whipping scene and be done with it. I just wish the sordid was a little more sorted out.

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 11/11

2012-04-12T00:01:24Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 11/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 11 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 10/11

2012-04-11T23:54:49Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 10/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 10 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 9/11

2012-04-11T23:46:55Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 9/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 9 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 8/11

2012-04-11T23:40:19Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 8/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 8 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 7/11

2012-04-11T23:25:12Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 7/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 7 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 6/11

2012-04-11T23:17:27Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 6/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 6 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 5/11

2012-04-11T23:10:15Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 5/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 5 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 4/11

2012-04-11T23:03:41Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 4/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 4 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 3/11

2012-04-11T22:57:01Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 3/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 3 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 2/11

2012-04-11T22:48:21Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 2/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

( The story, part 2 )

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Fic: Love and Loyalties 1/11

2012-04-11T22:37:45Z

Fic: Love and Loyalties 1/11

Vampire Stories, story 4

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.

Well, here we are seven years later and these vampire stories finally continue. Strange... in the series, it's just the next day.

( The story, part 1 )

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Celebrating in my corner

2012-03-15T05:24:35Z

It's hard to tell, I know, but I'm celebrating in my little dark corner. I finished writing the next story in the Vampire Stories series. It's 60,000+ words and needs to be edited with a sledgehammer. Well, probably not that bad. But I do need to get some distance from it so I can go at it with at least a machete. Okay, it probably doesn't deserve that either. We'll see after a bit of distance. It does need the edit.

Since I'm finally getting there, I put the old Vampire Stories up on the journal. I'll probably even figure out how to pimp them around a little. They're years old and either people have never heard of them or have forgotten them; and if anyone might want to read the new, they are gonna want to catch up on the ones before.

Another reason to celebrate is I placed an award. :) 'Vampire Stories' got runner-up for the Best Willow-Fic of All Time at the 2012 Willowy Goodness Awards. I still think it's a hell of name for a category. But never mind that, I'm grateful. Delighted even. So, thank you to any and all who had some hand in it.

On top of it all and maybe because of the stress release of at least writing 'the end' (even if edits are next), I've thought of a new fan fiction universe. A place for porn. Porn for porn's sake. Different Fandoms colliding porn. And kink. Many kinks. A place to let my femslasher flag fly. Hopefully this idea will work. I need a break from the serious.

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Fic: Intervention 7/7

2012-03-14T23:13:16Z

Fic: Intervention 7/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 7 )

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Fic: Intervention 6/7

2012-03-14T23:05:43Z

Fic: Intervention 6/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 6 )

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Fic: Intervention 5/7

2012-03-14T22:56:55Z

Fic: Intervention 5/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 5 )

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Fic: Intervention 4/7

2012-03-14T22:46:04Z

Fic: Intervention 4/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 4 )

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Fic: Intervention 3/7

2012-03-14T22:36:39Z

Fic: Intervention 3/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 3 )

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Fic: Intervention 2/7

2012-03-14T22:28:56Z

Fic: Intervention 2/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 2 )

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Fic: Intervention 1/7

2012-03-14T22:22:06Z

Fic: Intervention 1/7

Vampire Stories, story 3

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: There are some who know what happened. There are some who have also been betrayed. Enter Giles, Jenny and Cordelia.

( The Story, part 1 )

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Fic: All's Fair 5/5

2012-03-14T21:42:25Z

Fic: All's Fair 5/5

Vampire Stories, story 2

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Xander wakes and they're on the run. In the passing nights, they try to figure out what it means now, what to do next and maybe even where to settle down.

( The Story, part 5 )

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Fic: All's Fair 4/5

2012-03-14T21:35:46Z

Fic: All's Fair 4/5

Vampire Stories, story 2

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Xander wakes and they're on the run. In the passing nights, they try to figure out what it means now, what to do next and maybe even where to settle down.

( The Story, part 4 )

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Fic: All's Fair 3/5

2012-03-14T21:30:03Z

Fic: All's Fair 3/5

Vampire Stories, story 2

BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander

NC- 17

Summery: Xander wakes and they're on the run. In the passing nights, they try to figure out what it means now, what to do next and maybe even where to settle down.

( The Story, part 3 )

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