Fic: Love and Loyalties 8/11
Apr. 11th, 2012 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crys_lochVampire Stories, story 4
BtVS / Buffy/Willow/Xander
NC- 17
Summery: Cordelia? There are many questions that arise. Some truths are revealed. And everyone has choices to make.
Love and Loyalties, part 8.
Disclaimers and warnings are listed in part 1 and still apply.
The next day, early afternoon. Cordelia could tell from the watch she had thought to buy on her shopping trip. She was still sleeping on the large couch. A pillow and folded blankets now nestled into a corner. That was fine. It was long and comfortable and she was still mentally and emotionally crossing over to this new life. Even just thinking about her own space, room, was enough. She still welcomed and needed to exist in theirs. She had dared, today, to climb the stairs to that loft bedroom to use the shower. The desire to be clean, in new clothes and take a step towards that fresh start overwhelmed the qualms she still had of seeing the rest of the evidence. One bed, no mirror or toilet, and though she absolutely loved the large shower with unlimited hot water pouring out of duel shower heads, she resolutely pushed any thoughts of what they did there out of her mind as she stood still under the deluge for a time uncertain and just let it try and wash everything away.
Cordelia was becoming more aware of her surroundings. The personal items were upstairs. She tried not to stare too long at the picture of the three of them in high school or notice the book titles, the oils and candles, the lube left out on the night stand. She tried and failed. She was beginning to see the things around her. Like the fact that they didn’t have clocks. Didn’t need them she supposed. They hadn’t even bothered to set the one on the kitchen stove. Cordelia sat at the dining table that was placed just out into the room in front of the island that separated the small kitchen from the rest of the open space. She was writing in the journal, this time and for the first time, about the present, about thoughts outside of her own mind and past. A lone glass of water was nearby as a reminder that someday soon she would have to take another step and buy food to start feeding herself. She smiled as she looked around and realized she was at least beginning to wonder about her surroundings.
Xander was under the loft with a tape measure, pad of paper and pencil. He had moved the bar they had set up against the wall under the loft to the other side of the kitchen and along that wall. It worked. They had plenty of space. He was now setting tape down on the floor for the walls and trying to remember where the pipes were in the bathroom above so he could roughly estimate for the moment the bathroom below. Cordelia’s room. He supposed he could be nice and soundproof the ceiling. Not quite the same dimensions as the loft above, not quite as large. But enough. A bedroom and bath. He still enjoyed this work: the imagination, the creation, the details. He didn’t have to admit it though. But he wasn’t complaining and was now distracted and involved with the work itself.
Buffy and Willow were seated together on the end of the couch that faced the TV. They were watching, of all things, some recorded show about vampires. Laughter, snark, and cheers occasionally spilled out over the general background noise.
“Why do you have a kitchen?” Cordelia asked to whoever might answer. “I mean, I noticed upstairs in the bathroom, you left out a toilet. So why a kitchen?”
“Look who’s waking up,” Xander commented while staring up at the ceiling under the loft trying to envision said bathroom. He frowned and mentally gave up. He’d just have to go down, get the ladder and tear down the ceiling before making any plans worth starting from.
“It’s not a home without a kitchen,” Buffy called from across the room.
“You took out the mirror,” Cordelia was still wondering out loud.
“The mirror thing’s freaky,” Willow followed up.
Everyone was busy with their own thing at the moment and not really paying attention to her. Cordelia let the sudden absurdity of sitting at a dining table in a vampire’s home drop. She thought maybe she should take an interest in the building of her own room. Cordelia got up and walked over to Xander and the taped floor. She could see that there would be a wall closer to the kitchen, but there would still be enough room to walk around the island on that side. It would come forward into the space, but not quite as far as the loft hung over the space. It looked like he was putting the bathroom in the back and along the kitchen side wall; under their bathroom. That left the rest of her room along the outside wall and out into the rest of the space. The door was not under the stairs, but to the side near the corner that juts into the room and faced the open living area. She smiled. It was a good plan from what she could tell. She was impressed. There was just one thing…
“I like it,” Cordelia offered and smiled as she leaned against the kitchen island and looked on.
Xander looked over. “Good. It’s really the only plan that works well.” He shrugged. “Not that difficult.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” Cordelia admonished. “It’s a bathroom you’re outlining there, right?”
“Yeah,” Xander pointed over to the smaller area marked out in the space. “Just have to figure out the pipes.”
Cordelia shook her head. She didn’t know when he learned this stuff, but it was apparent he knew it now. “Sounds difficult to me,” she offered. “You’re gonna remember a toilet and mirror as well as a shower, right?” She smiled.
“Yeah, yeah,” Xander waved her off. “Anything else for the lady?” he asked jokingly. He crossed his arms when he noticed her eyes spark in increased focus and interest.
Cordelia stood up and crossed into her potential space. She noticed his crossed arms and slightly defensive posture. She didn’t know if she should go up to him and touch him or leave him alone. She chose to just try and talk. She couldn’t spend her life hugging vampires every time she wanted something. The crazy mental debate leapt in and was pushed out quickly. She focused on her room. Tried to think what she would need from a space. “Light,” Cordelia gently informed him. “Good lighting in the bathroom. And…” She took a deep breath and let it out. Cordelia walked over to the wall of the would be bedroom, the outer wall of the building. She motioned to the bricked up window that would be above where she could now suddenly imagine her bed. “Please, put the window back in. I need natural light. I need the sun.”
Xander uncrossed his arms and quickly crossed over to her. “You want something that will kill us. In our own home.” He stated it more than asked it. The accusation hung there demanding an answer.
“No,” Cordelia countered. She couldn’t deny that it could kill them. She could only clarify her reasons. “I need sunlight. And this window, it’s small and on the side wall. The door faces the other way. Even if the door’s open and the window’s not shaded, it won’t shine directly into the room.” She paused. Her breathing was growing more rapid and she tried to calm down. When she had looked at her new space, the bricked in window was something she noticed. Then there was a thought, an idea, a preference. It had by now turned into a need and she wasn’t sure what to do with that. She kept talking. “I’m not trying to hurt you guys. I’m trying to help me. And honestly, if you want to know the whole truth, it will make me feel safer. I’ll have somewhere I can go.” She wasn’t even aware of the last thoughts until they spilled out with the growing panic.
“Xander,” Buffy joined in. Buffy and Willow were now standing nearby, the show on pause and for the moment forgotten. “Is she right? Will the sunlight not reach the room?”
Xander looked at the layout of tape on the floor. The door was at the far corner from the window and facing the side. He thought, he calculated…he heard Cordelia’s heart racing and could see the pain on her face. He was building Cordelia her own room after all. “Yeah, she’s mostly right. I reserve the right to put up some built in wardrobes almost in front of the door to really block any sun.”
“Deal!” Cordelia agreed without even wondering what that might do to the layout of the room and before they could change their minds. “Thank you,” she honestly put in. Her breathing was returning to regular and the building panic suddenly dropped away. “I don’t know what happened there.” She felt herself trying not to break down completely into tears.
“It’s okay,” Willow quipped. She walked up to Cordelia and took both her hands in her own. With a more gentle tone in her voice, she continued. “You know,” Willow tried to reassure her, “if we were going to eat you, we would probably do it before Xander built you a room.”
“Probably?” Xander spoke up in his own defense.
“I know,” Cordelia acknowledged the logic. “I just feel out of sorts. Not quite safe yet. I just suddenly needed…” She gave up. She had got it. She couldn’t explain the rest anyway.
“You’ll feel this way for a while,” Buffy told her.
“Maybe I should just go to the diner. Eat something,” Cordelia didn’t want to deal with this anymore.
Willow let go of her hands. Cordelia walked back to the table and gathered the journal and a pen. She still had cash from someone. A walk to the diner, some food and maybe if she wrote it out she could figure out what was going on with her now. Another thought broke through her mental plans. More evidence of her growing awareness of her surroundings. “Why up here?”
“What do you mean?” Willow asked as she watched Cordelia begin to gather her things.
“My room.” Cordelia turned around to face the three of them. Her coat was folded over her arm; she had her journal and Buffy’s purse. She was near the elevator door and ready to go. “There’s space downstairs. Why up here?”
“A sauna and Jacuzzi and pool table and whatever else we can think of is going in downstairs,” Buffy announced, brooking no room for argument or change in plans.
“Someday,” Willow joined in. “That is if Xander can ever get it all installed.”
“Hey!” Xander jumped into the fray. “I need professional plumbers to tie into the main lines below. They’ll want the big door open. Plus the Jacuzzi and sauna delivery needs the door open. And someone needs to supervise it all and sign stuff. And I can’t figure out how to do that yet.”
“So that’s something I can help with?” Cordelia put in; glad to be able to offer something so soon in return for a window. Grateful for the opportunity to feel useful.
Xander thought about it for a moment as Willow and Buffy looked at him expectantly. “Yes. If you’re willing to learn the plans, we’ll try it.” He shook his head as Willow and Buffy cheered.
Cordelia finally smiled again. “Good. I’ll be back…” She thought about it for a moment. “Well, I guess I don’t know when.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Buffy offered. They didn’t have any plans. If they were gone already, it didn’t matter.
“Thanks,” Cordelia meant it to cover any or all of it and pressed the button for the elevator. She stepped in and gave them a nod goodbye just as the door closed.
* * *
The next morning, Jenny and Giles’s condo was quite. They continued to ignore last night’s dinner dishes. Giles simply moved the pots onto the counter beside the sink so he could make a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. Jenny was up with him this morning, unable to stay asleep in the bed alone. It helped that Giles had stayed in the bed longer, laying there by her side and reluctant to leave her. So a late start it was. Like the dinner dishes, they ignored the questions brought up last night as they mumbled good mornings and passed through the routine of coffee, tea and breakfast. The breakfast dishes sat ignored beside the dinner dishes. The afternoon was beginning. Though the edge in the mood wasn’t a wedge between them, it could not be ignored. They had to deal with this.
“Let me show you,” Jenny softly broke the silence. “I’ve been thinking about it, and let me show you what I know. Where they are.”
Giles was slightly surprised at the suggestion. Of course, he wanted to know. But he assumed that they would first work out her bond: why she was compelled and how she could find them. He thought they would first talk about what it meant for her safety, for their relationship. “You don’t think we should talk about this first?”
Jenny smiled and walked up to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, loosely crossing her wrists behind him and gave him a quick kiss. “Of course we should talk,” she affirmed. “Rupert, I was just thinking you should know as much as I do when we do. Equal footing. I just want to share everything, show you everything first. To be honest, I don’t think we’re going to figure out what’s going on with me. Just like we don’t know what I’m supposed to do. That only leaves figuring out how it affects us. And if we have that talk, I want you to know everything I know.”
Giles placed his hands on her hips and could feel her shifting from one foot to the other. He held her tighter to steady her and offered a small smile. “Thank you,” he acknowledged. “I fear you’re right and the thought that we might not yet understand this bond or how it affects you does frighten me. But you’re assessment of our ability to just ‘figure it out’ is probably correct, I’m afraid. I’ll take you up, on your offer to show me. Then we will talk.”
“Thank you,” Jenny punctuated the sentiment with another kiss. She let go of Giles and gathered their jackets only to take his hand in her own as they left.
The day was cool and cloudy. They started down Cornwall Ave. toward E. Holly and Railroad. Before they got too far, Jenny stopped them in front of the closed high school. She just stared at it. The architecture wasn’t similar. There was no balcony to look over in fear and realize you could run no further. She let the memory wash over her and looked again at the building. Just at the building itself. Three stories, old brick, rows of windows. Tried not to let it become a boogieman in her life. Her hand tightened its grip on Giles’s hand and she closed her eyes.
“What do you think of when you see this?” Jenny asked him.
Giles was watching her carefully. At the question, he turned his attention to the building and considered it. “I suppose my answer will change once there are students again, but now, as an empty symbol, it only serves to remind me of Buffy, Willow and Xander and how I’ve failed them.”
Jenny turned to Giles and shook her head. “You didn’t do this. You couldn’t have stopped this.”
Giles cupped her chin to stop the movement and stroked it with his thumb. He smiled. “I know. Not this, exactly. Other times. Too many times. Especially at the end.” He took a deep breath and kissed her. “There are moments lately; I remember funny little things and small triumphs. I credit the fact that you’re in my life for this ability now to recall any joy at all. But the sight of a closed high school only serves as a reminder of their struggles and my choices after they left the school.” He gave it a moment and watched her turn back to the school once again. “And you?”
“The end,” Jenny whispered. She turned to Giles and continued. “I try to remember anything else the few times I’ve passed by, but all I can think of is the end and Angelus. I’m glad the Sunnydale one is gone.”
“I’ll admit there was more than a bit of cathartic release when Buffy and I blew it up,” Giles happily confessed hoping to lighten the mood a little. He was willing to stand here and let her talk about this as long as she liked, though.
Jenny’s face showed her confusion for a moment then she smiled openly as she remembered the story. “That’s right. Thank you.” She started them on their way again. There was the present to deal with. The past she would just have to tackle in short bursts.
Giles chuckled. “No trouble at all.”
Jenny looked at him suspiciously and gave his ass a playful swat. She was certain there was very much trouble involved. “Uh, huh.”
Giles merely ginned in answer as they continued down the road. The traffic noise on the busy street was constant, but maybe because it was such a constant it qualified as white noise and didn’t seem to bother Jenny yet. Overcast day, cool but not cold, a breeze off the water; it felt almost perfect and this walk was quickly bringing his spirits and his hopes up. The school may bring up disappointments in the past, but the surroundings were an overwhelming reminder that he was no longer in Sunnydale, nor bound to any hellmouth or calling. This was free will and a new start. He looked at Jenny. Bound and tied; forced. Only here and alive at all due to this fact, this coercion of fate. She used up her free will to reach him. He reminded himself the disparity would require the alignment to be on his part.
“It’s a nice city, don’t you think?” Giles started as they crossed the small river that ran to the bay.
“Hmmm?” Jenny smiled knowingly at him even as she bundled up a little tighter in her jacket.
Giles glanced over to her then made a show of looking over and around as they walked. He took a deep breath. “You can smell the sea air. Hear the horns of the ships and the train whistles as we get closer to the docks. There are plenty of parks. Fountains and sculptures are everywhere. Seems to be very important here. And I must admit, the mountains… so close, so massive, so… snowy. They are breathtaking.”
Jenny laughed. “So snowy?” She moved closer and tucked her arm into his. “You can’t even see the mountains right now with all the clouds.”
Giles took another deep breath and looked up. “I love the overcast as well,” he admitted. “I am just saying they could have picked a worse city. I’m actually glad they chose to settle here, all things considered.” He turned and looked over at Jenny. “And I know, on the sunny days, you love the mountains. And the sunsets over the water.”
“I do,” Jenny readily acknowledged. “And high school aside, I love where we chose to live. The library and theater just over there.” She gestured across the street and back a bit. “The restaurants, the shops, the way it all feels like an invitation to start to get the old me back.”
They walked on for a little longer in silence as Giles considered that last part. “Jenny, love, I hope you’ll find what you need and I’ll help as much as I can. But know, I’ll take new you as well.”
“You really are crazy sweet.” Jenny kissed his cheek. “The crazy part is that you like this weather. We didn’t bring an umbrella.”
“It won’t rain,” Giles informed her. At her questioning look, he shrugged. “I can tell by the smell. And the clouds. Maybe tonight.”
Jenny shook her head and turned them down E. Holly. The smell of fish tacos made her curious again. Someday she would have to try them. They stopped at the crosswalk on the corner of E. Holly and Railroad. Jenny started to fill him in. “That night, when I snuck out. I spotted Xander and Willow just before I reached Holly. I didn’t know why I was going back or what I was going to find. I just started back. I knew it was them, even in the dark, even though they were too far away to really see them clearly or for them to notice me. I followed them. Dawn was coming and I knew they would be going to where they spent the days. I didn’t have to follow close. I didn’t even have to keep them in sight. Whatever this bond is, it led me to them and let me follow a safe distance behind.”
Giles listened carefully. It was time to begin. It was time to learn. “Do you feel it now? The compulsion?”
“A little,” Jenny quietly admitted. “But we were always on our way. It feels more like an affirmation.”
Giles took a deep breath and carefully considered if he really wanted to know the answer to his next question. They crossed Railroad as he debated with himself if he should even ask it. When they reached the other side, he gave up and gave in. “Jenny.” He waited for her to turn and look at him. She gazed up questioningly into his eyes, a little fear showing on her face. “Right now, do you feel like you need to give me the slip? Are you conflicted about showing me this?”
Jenny closed her eyes even as she smiled reassuringly. She leaned forward, rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around his back. His arms circled around her as well and she breathed in his scent, held close his strength for a little longer. Taking a steadying breath, she backed up and looked into his eyes again. “I am more than happy to report that I do not feel any conflict about showing you any of this. And I’ll be honest, more than a little relieved myself,” she acknowledged the evident relief that crossed his features and the exhale of the breath he had been holding. “I’m still sad about what I did. But even now, as I want to go to where they stay, I don’t feel bad about taking you along.”
“I’m sorry,” Giles quietly confessed with a small smile. “I needed to know.”
Jenny shook her head and got them started again along E. Holly. It started climbing a hill and their walk slowed. “Don’t be sorry.”
Giles looked around as they slowly made their way up. One and two story office buildings lined the street. The noise of traffic fell away. Cars were able to park along the side of the road, but none of the businesses here were so busy that parking wasn’t available. Trees lined the spaces between the sidewalk and the street. “The Japanese Maples are beautiful,” he observed.
“Is that what those are?” Jenny had wondered. The delicate red leaves positively burst with vibrant life. The city was interlaced everywhere with nature. And the natural world was in a season of rebirth. She stopped them near the top of the hill and pointed to a two story brick building. “There.” She watched him take it all in. Look around to orient himself and remember the location. Stare at the details of the building itself, his eyes shifting across its features. Then she noticed his focus sharpen and cut to certain points, probably seeking signs of something she hadn’t even thought to look for yet. All this, but he hadn’t moved. Hadn’t approached the building. Didn’t even seem to breathe. “Rupert?” she finally broke the intense inspection.
“What?” Giles shook himself out of his thoughts. “Oh, yes.”
“What are you thinking?” Jenny impatiently asked.
“Nothing.” At her disbelieving look, he took her hand. “Honest, I don’t know what to think yet. It’s a building. Except for the window above the warehouse door, every other window space has been bricked up and secured against the sun. And that window is heavily curtained. I just… it’s strange. It’s real now. And I’m not sure what to think yet.”
“Okay,” Jenny squeezed his hand and reassured him. “You just looked like you were looking for something.”
“Evidence of magical protections,” Giles stated.
Jenny nodded. She should have thought to look for them. Old her would have. She was afraid to wonder why she didn’t. “Did you find any?”
“No.” Giles looked away from the building and closed his eyes briefly. “But Willow is very advanced. It doesn’t mean they are not there.”
“Well, we’re not planning on just charging in there anyway, right?” Jenny semi jokingly asked for the confirmation.
That brought Giles’s full attention back onto Jenny. “No,” he reassured with a smile. “Of course not. You’re right. Old habit I guess. It’s just too strange.”
“Come on,” Jenny suggested and tugged his hand hoping to steer them away from the building and back down the street. She had in mind finding someplace for lunch. She ignored that there was also a gut instinct to move. They were just out of direct line of sight when they both heard a heavy door swing shut as if left to close on its own. Jenny turned toward the sound and saw Cordelia exit the building. When Cordelia started walking down Holly, Jenny grabbed Giles and ducked them both down a side street to take cover around the side of a building. They watched her walk past. “I told you, not a vampire,” Jenny whispered.
“Is this,” Giles started then paused to collect his tangled thoughts. It was great to see that Cordelia was indeed alive. Should have felt great. Instead, he kept wondering what it meant and why she was with them. Years of war had taken their toll and price on his trust and faith. He tried again. “Is this what you were brought here today to see, do you think? I know you came here to show me. But you also said you felt compelled again to come. And before, you mentioned you came here in the day and saw Cordelia. Is she the reason, maybe?”
Jenny froze for a moment and just looked at him. She hadn’t even considered it. “I don’t know. Yesterday, she drove off in a car. That was it. I…” Jenny peeked around the corner and saw Cordelia halfway down the hill. “Should we follow?”
“You’re asking me?” Giles clarified. “You don’t have any need one way or the other?” He smiled and took her hands in his own. “It’s okay, love.” He watched her carefully. Watched the lines on her face as she concentrated, the tension in her shoulders relax when he rubbed his thumbs over the back of her hands, then the calm stillness when she closed her eyes.
Jenny opened her eyes, looked up and gave his hands an appreciative squeeze. “Nope. Nothing.” She shrugged. “I am curious, though.”
Giles nodded. “Okay. I hesitate still to approach her, though,” he cautioned.
“You do?” Jenny looked again around the corner and saw Cordelia was now near the bottom of the hill. They could probably safely start down without being easily recognized. She pulled Giles out back onto Holly and started them slowly down the hill again. “Why? I thought she ended up part of the group. Isn’t it a good thing that she’s alive?”
“Yes,” Giles automatically answered. “I’m sure it’s a good thing. Or rather I want and hope it’s good. I’m afraid I’m not terribly good when I don’t understand what’s going on.”
“Well that’s understandable,” Jenny hoped he forgave her play on words and continued. “We won’t make contact. Let’s just see where she’s going right now. If something is showing me she’s here, I might as well find out a little more,” Jenny reasoned. “Besides, you don’t understand how she’s here. Imagine how much she won’t understand how I’m here.”
Before they reached the bottom of the hill where E. Holly crossed Railroad, they watched Cordelia enter the Horseshoe Café just across the other side. They waited silently at the cross light and slowly approached the café windows when the light turned green. It took a while to find her between the quick careful peeking, the dim lights and high backed booths of the diner. She was seated alone in a booth towards the back. The sight was a stark contrast to all the memories Jenny had of the young high school queen. Her shoulders were slouched. She was bent over the table, writing. The waitress set down what looked like a glass of beer and Cordelia took a long sip. Jenny watched as she stared at the back of the seat in front of her and at nothing. She didn’t recognize this woman at all.
“Rupert?” Jenny pulled back from the window and looked up questioningly into the eyes of the man who might be able to explain the alternate of her remembered reality she was witnessing now.
“Hmm?” Giles was pulled away from the scene by Jenny’s voice. He turned back to the window. “She looks sad.”
“Sad doesn’t begin to cover it,” Jenny countered. “Rupert, what happened? The last memories I have of Cordelia are of when she was in high school. And I know I’ve learned some stories, but…”
Giles focused his attention on Jenny. He took her hands in his own. “A great many things happened I imagine. She grew up. All of them did. It was just after high school she left for L.A. and fought for years at Angel’s side. I’m not sure of all the details. Willow… It was always Willow that was the liaison between the two parties. She and Cordelia would talk occasionally over the phone.”
“Fighting for years at Angel’s side... Keeping in touch with Willow...” Jenny shook her head and tried to understand the improbable and absurd. Jenny knew, for whatever reason, Cordelia was at L.A. for the end. She just couldn’t imagine her fighting for years from the beginning. “It’s just so strange to think…”
“There’s a lot of strange, I’m afraid,” Giles gently interrupted and reminded Jenny. “There’s a lot that happened, even before she left. Including something about Xander I believe. They all went through a lot together. And trying to keep the two groups in contact without bringing up the worst wounds, it was Willow and Cordelia who found a way to put the past behind them. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised it would be to them she would turn to if she was able.”
“Why would she stay with Angel?” Jenny wondered out loud. She couldn’t help but still see her last living memory of her life before: a cold ruthless vampire.
Giles squeezed her hands. “When his soul was returned, he resumed his role as champion. I understand he helped a great many. And remember, he died defeating a great evil. Still,” Giles smiled down at Jenny. “I was very pleased to see him leave Sunnydale.”
Jenny smiled back then took a deep, refreshing breath. “We should go. Maybe find our own place to eat lunch. Probably not here.” She wrapped her arm around him, comforted by his chuckle in response to her suggestion and let him lead the way.
They found a seafood restaurant on the top floor of a renovated warehouse not far off Railroad. Their table had a view out of the large windows to the Salish Sea and the islands. Jenny sipped her wine and stared out at the scene.
“Rupert, look… look at this,” Jenny quietly encouraged.
Giles turned towards the windows. He noticed a sailboat crossing past an island. Even on this overcast day it looked merry and free. “The sailboat?”
“All of it,” Jenny tried to clarify. “The sea, the islands, this place, this view…”
“Yes, it’s breathtaking,” Giles readily agreed.
Jenny turned back to Giles and caught his full attention. She took another sip of wine and tried to find a voice to her thoughts. “Each day, there’s always something. Something new or forgotten. Usually, it’s too much. But this…”
Giles took a sip of wine and waited for more. When none came, he softly smiled. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
Jenny nodded and tried to continue. “I think heaven, if that’s where I…” She took a deep breath. “I think that’s where I was. Anyway, heaven, is just waiting. I’m back to experiencing. I guess I’m just saying this, right now, is a beautiful experience.”
Giles reached over the table and gently held Jenny’s hand. “I’m glad.”
Jenny smiled and bowed her head. “I must look like Cordelia most of the time. Sad.”
“Lost, frightened,” Giles gently corrected. “And all perfectly understandable. I want to help. To help you experience all the good and beautiful things. It serves to remind me of them as well. I must remind you of Cordelia myself.”
“You look tired,” Jenny raised her head and grinned.
“I am,” Giles concurred and raised his glass of wine then took a sip. “I’m war weary, I’m afraid, and want nothing more of it. Now, all I want is to take care of the ones I love. Make a new life here. Together, we may even remember and experience the joys of living it.”
Jenny toasted the thought just as the waiter brought their food. She laughed at the sight of the large salad in front of her topped with a heaping mound of crab. She took a deep breath to fully appreciate the scent of the fish and chips set on the other side of the table. Jenny shook her head as she watched Giles sprinkle the malt vinegar over his meal. She turned back to the window. For the moment, she enjoyed the experience of life.
* * *
